So on Saturday I took a big, crazy step...
I've wanted to do something crazy, wild, and completely different with my waist length hair, that was full of split ends, for several years now, but just haven't a) had the money to go to a professional hairdresser, and/or b) had the courage to actually follow through. So it's been put off time and time again, and I'd pretty much given up doing anything adventurous to try and throw myself out of the same old rut I seem to keep falling into. Then on Friday I was at the library and came across a book on how to cut your own hair, had a brief flick through and decided it was worth getting it out. That night I sat and read it properly and decided it didn't look THAT difficult, and that if I continued to wait until I had both the money and courage to do it, it was probably never going to happen! The seed had been planted... I know of several others who cut their own hair, surely I could too? I don't tend to leave the house much anyway, so if I made a disaster of it, I'd just throw a hat on or stay at home more until it'd grown out again. I went to sleep wondering if I would actually go through with it... really wanting to do it, but not sure if I could get past the fear of stuffing it up and getting laughed at. The lack of self confidence was playing ping pong with my determination that I wanted a change... and a BIG one.
By the time I woke up and had my shower, I was still wavering a little... I had been like this for so long now, the thought of looking different, despite hating how I looked, was rather terrifying... but oh so tempting.
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| Remember this photo from an earlier blog post?? |
So, I grit my teeth, took one last look at the page that showed me what I was going to try and attempt to do... then grabbed the scissors and started cutting!!!! I took what felt like a rather big chunk off my hair... but it really didn't make any noticeable difference... and I KNEW this had to be totally different, and therefore very noticeable!!! So, I lopped another big chunk off! Ok.. now we were getting there!! My hair had gone from being down to touching my waist, to not sitting on my shoulders. I tidied/evened things up, and thought it looked alright... with it now shorter, I could see the wave my hair gets when it's short starting to make an appearance, which I rather liked. I felt both exhilarated and nervous. Had I just screwed it up... did it look hideous??? I showed my partner and Mr12, who both did a double take and stared... then both said it looked good. Different... shockingly different, but good. So I washed it and left it to settle for a while.. couldn't keep my hands off it because it felt so weird, so much shorter, lighter! We went out... the whole time I was torn between feeling worried that I would get people pointing and staring, that it would be so obvious that it was a poor amateur attempt, and wanting to just not care and focus more on how free I felt, how liberating it had been to cut my own hair for the first time ever! Heading out of the house after that haircut definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone, and made me face that insecure part of myself. By the time I got home though... I'd dealt with it, and was actually starting to feel comfortable with what I'd done.
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| Crappy cellphone photo... |
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| See the waves? |
I still wouldn't say I LOVED it... but I did like it, especially the length and the waviness it was getting. So I thought that was it... nope! When I woke up, it just felt too thick and bushy still. I was going to have to remove more! Looking through the book again, I remembered the times I'd had my hair cut before, by a professional of course, and the times I'd liked it the most, was usually when it had layers. There was a section on how to cut layers in the book... so taking a deep breath, I started cutting again. This time, focusing more on the laying effect, and wanting it feeling lighter, thinner. Keeping a close eye on the image in the mirror, I kept cutting, thinning it out, slowly bringing in more layers... until I reached a point where I was not just liking it, but really starting to LOVE it! Ok, it had ended up quite a bit shorter than I'd really wanted, but it FELT good, and I liked the look! REALLY liked it this time!
It's since been washed, played with plenty, slept in... and I still love it. I didn't wake up this morning feeling the need to change it, or regretting what I'd done or anything. I feel free, and happy.. and all because I took that crazy step and cut my own hair for the first time! I don't think I'll be going to a professional hairdresser again... I know it still looks rough, but I don't care. It is my first time doing it myself after all. Normally, I'd be getting upset about it not being perfect, ignoring the whole "1st time ever" fact, and focusing more on how it's not perfect straight away! Not this time.. for some reason, I've been able to let that part go, and just enjoy the freedom of doing something this big, and liking the results. I know some people may get annoyed with me "prattling on" about something as "trivial" as a simple haircut... but for me, this IS big! Both the doing it myself, and the fact that I'm NOT feeling all that self conscious about it. Big steps... hopefully the start of more to come.
The end result...
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| Look.. you even got a smile at the camera!! |
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| The sides and back are a bit rough.. but this will hopefully improve as I practice more |
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| Happy "girlie" feeling me!!!! |
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| Mr4 just had to join in with the photos! |
